At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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