I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
