hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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