Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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