I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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