Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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