I love having hate sex.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
