You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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