The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
