Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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