Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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