it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
