Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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