Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
