He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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