Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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