Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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