The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
