Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
