Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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