Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
