Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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