the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
