and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dear god my vagina.
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