I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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