you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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