i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
