i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
