Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
