I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
