i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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