Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
