When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
