it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
