id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
