The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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