I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
