nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
