Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
