today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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