I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
