How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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