So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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