Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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