omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
