Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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