Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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