it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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