Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
