she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
