Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
