My liver just broke up with me...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
